Intervention
by Lost Shining Ghosts
Summary: Frustrated over Dib and Zim's refusal to love each other, my sister takes matters into her own hands, along with her Yaoi Note. Of course, she'll drag me into this too. Yaoi, Lemon, Author's Inserted into the story, ZaDR, and Death Note references.


A black haired girl sat in her desk, happily swinging her legs back and forth. I sighed irritably, knowing that she was never this happy without reason. I walked up behind her, looking over her shoulder. Sketches of a weird machine were spread out in front of her.

"Um, Lexi? What're you doing?" I asked hesitantly. She grinned at me.

"Look in the closet!" she chirped, eyes large with excitement. I cautiously turned from her to the closet, door barricaded by a mountain of clothing and toys. Pushing those aside, I opened the door, shocked by what was inside.

A large machine, almost like a time machine you'd see in movies, sitting inside the space. Buttons glowed and gears whirred. I gulped.

"Uh, what is this?" I asked fearfully. Whatever she was doing was obviously serious. Was she trying to take over the world again? Shit. Mom won't be happy about that. She was less impressed with that walking dead experiment; who knows how she'll react to this.

"You know how I love ZaDR?" she asked with a smile. I looked at her with confusion, nodding.

"Well, this machine can let me travel to the Zim universe! I didn't even think it was possible but it is! So, anyways, I can enter the exact time when I want to arrive, which will be when both Zim and Dib are about, I dunno, 17. Then, I'll make them loves each other!" she explained. I sighed.

"Alright, I've watched enough of that show to know that Zim and Dib hate each other; how are you going to get them to 'love' each other?" I asked with a tone tired.

"Easy peasy! I just have to use this book!" she answered, holding out a black book towards me. On the cover, in scrawled printing, it said, 'Yaoi Note'.

"I get the feeling you stole this idea from someone?" I stated, expression blank. She waved me away.

"I'll put the link at the bottom of the page," she dismissed. I shrugged; fair enough.

"Okay, so what does it do?"

"All I have to do is write the names of the wanted yaoi pairing and then the magic will happen."

"Well, why did you build that thing in the closet o go to their world if you can just do it from here?" A red blush spread across her cheeks.

"I wanna watch!" she stated, smiling hugely. I cringed.

"Okay, I want nothing to do with this." She shook her head.

"Sorry bro but you're already in this mess so you gotta come too!" she cheered. Before I could object, she tugged my arm and pulled me into the machine. I couldn't even think of anything to say as soon as she clicked a few buttons and a falling feeling overtook us.

Suddenly, when it stopped, I opened the door. I recognized the room immediately.

"You dropped us in Dib's closet?" I asked incredulously. She giggled and skipped into the room.

"I can't believe it actually worked!" she cheered happily. I looked at her fearfully.

"You're insane!"

"And proud of it! But enough of this; let's get to work!" She tucked the black book under her arm, marching out of the room. I followed unwillingly. It was the fact that we were in someone else's house that freaked me out, especially since I knew how Dib's sister – what's her name, Gaz – would react if she found us.

"Um, are you sure this is a good idea?" I asked, slightly worried. She rolled her eyes.

"You worry too much! Why don't you just go scrub your hands and tap on the doorknobs?" she added cruelly. I glared at her.

"You're horrible," I said simply. She stuck her tongue out and continued to skip down the stairs.

"Who are you people?" a serious, intellectual voice inquired. I froze, eyes meeting the goggles of Prof. Membrane. My sister shrugged him off.

"We just came here to get something for Dib; he doesn't have lunch right now," she lied. She was good at lying.

"Oh, alright. Are you friends with my poor, insane son?" he asked, keeping his gloved hands busy with a piece of equipment that resembled an iPad. We walked down to the bottom of the steps.

"Well, you could say we are well acquainted, but we don't hang out really," she continued easily. Membrane nodded.

"That's understandable. Well, it was nice meeting you…"

"Oh, I'm Lexi and this is my brother, Lucian." I smiled at the mention of my name.

"Well, you two should come over more often. Maybe with you two here, my son will be less insane!" he exclaimed. With forced nods, both of us escaped the house.

"And, you were saying?" she asked sarcastically. I snorted.

"You're such a con-artist," I said, almost disbelievingly. She smiled deviously.

"Now, we have to get to this place called Hi Skool, find Zim and Dib, write their names in this book, and watch the yummy yaoi-ness ensue!" she cheered, licking her lips. I shuddered, fearing my sister more now than I have ever in my entire existence.

"I feel sorry for them," I murmured, looking down at the sidewalk.

* * *

"Found them!" Lexi cheered, sitting beside me in the cafeteria. One enrollment in the skool and an awkward moment surrounded by teenage cartoon characters later, and my sis had found Dib and Zim, pulling out her black Yaoi note.

"Alright, who's going to be seme and who'll be the uke?" she asked. I was confused. She sighed, "Seme's on top, uke's on the bottom." I felt a blush of embarrassment spread across my cheeks.

"You really think that I care?" I asked, redirecting my gaze to the teenage Dib, who glared at the green teenage Zim. Suddenly, Zim threw a muffin at Dib's head.

"Hey! I dare you to do that again," the big-headed boy threatened, pointing an accusing finger.

"Fine! I will," he yelled before throwing anouther one. Dib glared at the now chuckling Zim. Suddenly, Dib jumped at him, both clawing and screaming obscenities at each other. I could feel my eyes widening at witnessing the intensity of their hate. It almost radiated across the room, although everyone else ignored them.

"Even though I think what you're doing is wrong, I think it would help them if they were friends or something," I stated, glancing at my sister. She was looking at the ceiling in thought.

"I know that Zim would want to be seme, but I don't know how that would work. Maybe… Nah, I haven't read many ffnet where Zim actually is seme," she pondered, then looked at me questioningly. "Did you know that they usually give Zim female organs and try to pass it off as yaoi? I mean, it's probably easier to do because the possibilities with an alien could be endless but, I feel like making this a bit different. Seriously, how could Zim not have a pen-,"

"Let's just leave it at pen," I interrupted, slightly uncomfortable from the gazes that turned toward us. Lexi giggled.

"Aw," she cooed, "Is Lucian getting a bit self conscious?" I rolled my eyes. Of course she'd take this chance to scar me for life.

"Okay, Zim it is!" she announced, a little too loudly. The alien looked our way as she wrote the names in her black note. Zim first, an x, and then Dib.

"Why are you talking about the almighty Zim, pitiful humans!" the alien questioned. I looked at Zim with a friendly smile.

"Hi, we're new at this skool and she's obsessed with trying to get you and Dib to mate," I stated. Zim's eyes widened fearfully. "Oh yeah, I'm Lucian, by the way!"

"Would Zim look good with cat ears?" Lexi voiced thoughtfully, examining the green teen on the other side of the table, trying to picture it. By now, Zim was looking at us like we were absolutely insane.

"Uh, why?" I asked, slightly shocked myself.

"Page two of the rules says I can make them have tails or ears of animals. I have to add details of the sex within the next 6 minutes and forty seconds. I already said that Zim and Dib would go to Zim's house after skool and I'm considering to make Gir drug them but, I doubt that; I just want to know if one of them should get ears or a tail?" she explained, tapping her pencil to her chin in thought.

Zim shifted in his seat uncomfortably, obviously confused. "Whatever you disgusting humans are doing, just know that I am also a normal human and NOT an alien! Don't believe anything the Dib-monster says or I'll destroy you with every other filthy earth monkey! ... That I love!" he added, then marched away, obviously satisfied with our lack of knowledge.

"And why do you want to make these two have sex again?" I asked, impressed with Zim's stupidity.

"I think I'll keep them normal but I'm kind of debating on a threesome," she muttered, ignoring me. I gagged slightly.

"Who would you make them have a threesome with?" I asked, disgust showing through my tone.

"I dunno, Gir. Maybe even Keef but that'd be annoying. It would be funny to see how they'd react if they found Iggins in bed with them," she chuckled. "Man, four minutes left! I have to write these ideas down. I only want Zim and Dib together so that's fine. What else should I make them do?"

"Ugh, you're horrible," I sighed. She only laughed.

"You should read pages three and four of the rules. You'd be super disturbed!" she giggled. I shook my head; I'd leave her to her fantasies and my mind less corrupted than hers.

"Okay! I think I got everything down! Let's get to Dib's house!" she said.

"What?"

* * *

We sat in front of a laptop in the living room. The silver lap top had four divided screens in a place I recognized as Zim's house; one camera showing the front entrance, one in the kitchen, one in a hallway underground, and the last on in an unknown room with a pink bed.

"Uh, how did you…"

"I'll explain everything after the show!" she said, watching the screen with concentration. I noticed Gaz wasn't here, even though it was after skool, and Prof. Membrane wasn't here.

"Wait, I need a larger screen," she stated, pressing a button. The TV turned on, glowing and buzzing for a moment before the four cameras displayed their images on the large screen.

"You're psycho," I muttered.

"Shh! It's starting!" she said as Zim pulled Dib through the front door roughly. Although I wanted nothing to do with this, I found myself watching, unable to turn my head away.

"Dib, I want you," the alien growled viciously. Dib seemed to freeze, being pushed onto the couch by Zim in his daze, who crawled onto the surprised human's lap and aggressively pulled him into a kiss, grinding himself against Dib.

Dib groaned, his arousal appearing through his jeans. "Zim…Nnngh… wait! Ugh, what happened?" he struggled. I glanced at my sister for a moment, who was smirking. Why would she make Dib unwilling? For her own amusement? It sounded very Lexi-ish for sure.

"Shut up, Dib!" Zim screeched, his lips moving to the humans neck, piercing the skin there before sucking hungrily. Dib gasped, both in pain and pleasure. "I want you Dib, and you so obviously want me! But who wouldn't, for I am amazing!" he murmured against the pale skin.

Zim grinded himself again Dib, a tent in both pairs of pants; Dib groaned with need, while Zim moaned like an animal, almost all sense of self control evaporated. I tried to look away, blood rushing to my face at watching such a thing happening between the two.

But, again, I found looking away impossible, as Dib pushed Zim off of him, not away but so as to stand up and gain some leverage over the alien. They were still lip locked, disappearing from the screen for a second before appearing in the kitchen, knocking over a chair and falling onto the table. Zim's claws sliced through Dibs shirt, not carefully though as he pierced some of the human's skin.

The fabric flew from the two in their desperate heat, Zim's claws feeling Dib's lean torso, rubbing his sides in circles. Their lips moved against each other in synchronization, Dib gasping as Zim pinched his pert nipples, a snake like tongue darting in to claim the new territory as their lips connected once more.

By now, I really wanted to look away actually. Like, seriously; these two were going at it like spider monkeys and I would get squeamish watching this on the Animal Planet. But, I found I couldn't actually twist my head away from the two. Only now, did I glare at my sister in suspicion.

"You didn't…" I trailed disbelievingly as Dib groaned, pulling Zim's uniform over his head and attacking the revealed skin with his mouth.

"Love ya too!" she giggled, not looking at me. Unwillingly, I looked back at the screen. The pair was panting, Zim occupying himself with rubbing Dib's arousal through his jeans, creating a friction that seemed to be making Dib go crazy with need, moaning and whimpering.

"Nnngh… Z-Zim…" Dib seemed to be submitting more now. Out of no where, Dib started to suck on one of Zim's antennae, eliciting a delicious moan from the alien, who was over come by the sensations. Zim's hand reached for the zipper, wishing to pick up the pace, but Dib shook his head, panting.

"Not… here," he said simply. Without anouther word, they stumbled, lips connected, out of sight of the camera. Suddenly, they appeared in the hallway area, Dib's legs wrapped around the alien's waist, since they were both the same height. Zim stumbled a bit, back pressed against the wall as Dib broke the lip lock, licking the base of the sensitive antennae on the top of Zim's head.

Zim moaned in ecstasy, red orbs half lidded. He let his hands wander the human's body, rubbing circles sensually. Their groins would also brush past each other, more excited pants, groans, moans, and whimpers would escape their lips, often into the mouth of the other.

I gulped as they walked from the hall and appeared on the screen with the bed, falling onto the pink, fluffy, feathery blanket. I wondered why Zim would even have a room like that in his base before the sound of zippers being pulled elicited from the TV, along with heated panting and moans.

I looked away from the TV at my sis, who grinned evilly, face just as flushed as mine. Her bright jade green eyes flashed over at me for a moment evilly, before I felt my eyes forcefully look back at the TV. By now, I knew she wrote something about me in that book, making me watch the scene before me.

Zim and Dib had freed themselves of the rest of their clothing, the alien now crawling on top of the human, dominating him.

"Hm, you are mine Dib," the alien panted before thrusting into him. I wished that I could close my eyes, watching Zim pounding into Dib viciously was going to be burned into my memory forever, whether I wanted it to be or not. And it was definitely not.

The speed increased until, they both just yelled out, Dib calling Zim's name and Zim something unintelligible; most likely irken. Finally, I had control over my neck muscles once more, turning my head to glare at the smug look on Lexi's face.

"Well, my mission is complete!" she stated, folding the laptop down and the TV turning off while she turned to go upstairs.

"What exactly did you write in that Yaoi note thing?" I demanded. With a laugh, she turned to the page.

"'ZimxDib,'" she read, walking up the stairs. "'Will make out outside the front door, foreplay to go on in the living room, will move to the kitchen, things heating up fast, move themselves down the hall, more foreplay, then into the bedroom where Gir will have placed a nice, pink frilly bed for them to finish.

"Gir is also to install video cameras that will connect to Dib's computer wirelessly, allowing a video feed of each of the four rooms and no one will enter Dib's house in the duration of this time," she said, pausing. "Also, whoever accompanies the owner of this note shall watch the scene throughout it's duration, whether willing or not."

I glared at her once more before we stepped into the Dib's room and into the closet. She smiled.

"Hey! Be thankful I didn't do something much worse to you! I can control everything with this book and you will become homosexual if you even touch this note," she warned. I sighed, putting distance between us.

That notebook was going to be the death of me.

~!~!~!~

Co-written by Lexi and Lucian.

Lexi: That was probably the most orgasmic thing we've written together! Ain't that right bro?

Lucian: … I'm going to kill myself if you ever actually get a Yaoi Note.

Lexi: Speaking of which, here's the link for your curiousity:

http:/ .com/?qh=§ion =&q=death+note+yaoi#/ dzh7jt

Get rid of the spaces and enjoy the masterpiece that inspired this fucked up lemon.

Lucian: Language, children, language.

Lexi: :P. Okay, so, yeah, please tell us how you felt about this disturbing piece. My brother was scarred by the mere idea so, nya!

Lucian: … Okay then.

Lexi: Did ya see the play on words at the end there? Because it's actually a death note bute it's a yaoi note but it'll be the death of him! Huh? Yeah, I don't really understand it myself.


End file.
